For me, getting in shape is incorporating a few things: Healthy lifestyle, weight loss, muscle building, and feeling better about myself. Outside of incorporating those into my life, I do have some other motivating factors such as setting a goal and accomplishing it, looking better for my wife, and money. Yep. Money is on the line here and I will explain more later. For now, let's talk about what we're doing.
The wife and I have started working out in the morning to a workout video. So how lucky am I? I get to wake up to this every morning.
Yep fellas, I'm that lucky guy. No this isn't my wife...she's really hot too. This is Jillian Michaels. Better known for her work on the "Biggest Loser" on NBC. Well, my hottie trainer is taking time away from her busy schedule to work my wife and I out in some skimpy outfits in the morning and has designed personal program just for me and NO ONE ELSE. Let me just say that I wasn't really cool with waking up and working out, but this made it worth my while...
Oh and doing something with my wife as well. Heh of course.
All joking aside, Jillian has designed a 20 minute workout for out of shape people like me. It incorporates some cardio and weight training into the routine with little stops. Hey, I like to rest like the best of them, but if you rest in a 20 minute workout, you end up doing a 10 minute workout. Nonetheless, we started this workout tired, cranky, and cold. Jillian and her two equally incredibly fit, attractive helpers went through a series of stretching and workouts that got me warmed up and loose. I started it out thinking this is easy and she's hot. I've got to admit that the first five minutes of the video I focused more on Jillian and her friends than I did on what I was doing. (Gentle nudge to my wife to wear skimpy clothes tomorrow morning and not pjs)
I'm doing this workout and for some reason I start to get fatigued. I don't really know why, but I do. My legs start getting a little less stable and my arms start to hurt. My focus has gone away from Jillian and her skimpy outfit to "I can't lift my arms" and "my legs aren't working right." Then I start to think, "I've got ten more minutes of this crap...what in the heck am I doing?!" At about the 15 minute mark, Jillian had us lay down on our workout mats (an area rug with dog hair on it for me) and start doing crunches. All I know is that for 2 minutes or so, I didn't look at the TV. How could I, I'm laying down looking up at the ceiling praying for help from the man upstairs. I was in the middle of praying to the good Lord and Jillian interrupts me. She tells me to get back up and start working on finishing out my cardio.
Now see...this is an important part of the morning here. She's beginning to get on my nerves now and this is something like what she said. "Alright guys, we're in the home stretch and we're almost there. Going to finish strong with some light cardio and we're finished."
This is what I heard. "Kelly, get your pathetic a-double ss's up off that ground and push through this you little sissy (female dog). If you think for one second that you are through with this workout you've got another thing coming. COME ON YOU PANSY I'm not done with you yet and I'm going to make you throw up. You want to objectify me? I'll show you, you little punk."
About this moment when she said all those extremely rude and hurtful things to me, I had it. I got up to look at the TV and tell her a piece of my mind. When I did, I saw this....
WHAT!?!?! Where'd my hottie go? You wanna know? She left because I got so pissed off at her and cussed her out (in my mind) and this is what she turned in to.
So the moral of the story ladies is that even men have vivid imaginations.
Here's hoping Jillian comes back tomorrow morning and stays. I'll let you know. Got to go ice the legs.
